Let's Rewind...April 13-14 was our Adoption Orientation weekend in Abilene. After our orientation weekend we knew we had some work to do to complete paperwork, schedule home visits, and raise funds. So we completed all of our paperwork (YAHOO!!) and called to make the home visits. After talking with our case worker she encouraged us to have all of our funds prepared prior to approval so that if a birthmom selected us we would be able to proceed. So Michael and I made a plan to wait until after our August event to see where we are at financially. We've said we don't want to be in debt and if this is what God wants then it will be provided through this event and months of saving. Everything in me says HURRY get me to my baby, so alas I yield to Michael's Godly wisdom and months of Dave Ramsey!!! LOL! I've talked about this before... But how does one truly prepare for a financial hurdle like nothing else you've ever encountered? How does one compose what seems to be the most emotional letter of a lifetime to a birthmom? What pictures are the ones that a birthmom will look at in our scrapbook and want to choose us? Author, Jennie Allen says "Doubt is in all of us...if we go there. If we let it rush in every once in a while." Well let's just say the "doubt" WAS WINNING!!! Man it's ugly, snarly, little self began to spin around in my mind. Doubt imprisoned me. Doubt made me think, perhaps this isn't the path we are meant to travel. Mother's Day came at church and I was emotionally spent. I couldn't bear to go, so I stayed home. Then another week passed and my heart was aching a little more. I was starting to take a piece of my heart away from God. Then one more week passed and my doubt had fully seized me. Three weeks away from our wonderful family at Stonegate and we were in need of HELP!!! We met with our small group at church and begged for prayers. YES, BEGGED. Flat out, cried out asking God to send some confirmations, something that this was still our path, something from God that would say THIS IS MY WILL DO IT!!!!! Again, cue the doubt. I can't even get to the other side of becoming an adoptive mom, because I've been frozen staring at fees and wallowing in doubt. My bestie Holly said "Lareta, how are you emotionally? I mean really how are you feeling about this adoption?" My heart sank, as tears streamed down my face. Well my reply "Honestly, it feels so far away. I don't even know how to imagine that it can happen. I'm scared one minute, I'm happy the next. I'm certain, I'm uncertain. I'm a hot mess!!" So in my doubt, I was belittling the significance of God and not turning my short page of life over to Him. I don't know if you'll be able to relate to this at all. It's just something I'm talking through with God and you happen to be reading it. I love Him! I beg for Him to see through my shame, my fears, my doubt, my will, and DO only what He knows is His will. Y'all I'm vulnerable in sharing, but I hope you hear my heart.
Fast forward two weeks into summertime, I received a text from Kristy (darling friend in our church home group) that says "I want to host a garage sale for your adoption." Thank you God! Thank you for being visible! Now here we are two weeks later, listening to people saying "Sure,we can help!" "Absolutely, we will put it on our calendars" "Of course, count us in!" "We are praying for yall!" So the month of June has been a steady march to different businesses asking for donations, praying with friends, numerous emails, countless phone calls, days of non stop, days of I can't bear to hear another "No sorry, not at this time." All to raise funds for this prayer.
At the end of May, one of my dear friends invited me to participate in a summer book study called "Anything" by Jennie Allen. Now, I love my darling Andrea and anytime I can spend with those sweet girls at her house is pure delight for the soul! Embarking on this book, it questions "Who is God to you?" and basically how does "everything in this world keep us from anything". The "anything" that only God knows. You may ask "I wonder what my 'anything' is?" I'm 2 weeks into this book study and Jennie poses this question, "What are you most afraid of? What would be the very worst thing that God may allow you to suffer?" That got me to thinking. What am I most afraid of? I might say snakes, spiders, but I could look within myself to a deeper level and all my WHAT IF scenarios... What if I never have a biological child? What if I lose my loving husband? What if I lose every single posession I own or my health? What IF we never get chosen to be adoptive parents? BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Am I going to push away God or allow Him to have all of me? So let's fast forward to last Sunday at bible study. You know God just wanted to talk to me and tell me, he wants ALL OF ME FOR HIS ANYTHING. He doesn't want to compete anymore. HE wants all of me. A song was shared, it's by Matt Hammitt, called "Let Go". So that's where I'm at emotionally. I'm letting go. As always He's continually persuing me, even in my doubt. Once I said "God I can't do this. I can't go this alone. I don't know how it will come together, but you do. I will trust in you." All my phone calls weren't suddenly "yes's" but I felt a peace that God would lead me to the people who would say "yes". The outpouring of help and support has been overwhelming. I can't even begin to tell you how REAL God is and how He is for adoption!!!! Oh and just so ya know our garage sale raised $600!!
Check out all the help and donations for our event, here goes the shout outs:
Hayley Chadwell for busting her tushy at one of the hottest days of summer garage sale, people of Midlothian who wrote us letters of encouragement on the day of the garage sale, our home group for helping us put together an amazing event, Betsy who listens to my ramblings of how does one plan an event, Charla Corn and her band, Michael Padgett and Derek for performing, Matt Edwards for being my MC, Fat Daddy's for letting us use their AMAZING facility, Chelsea who is my go to girl for ANY question, OMG Adorable for the cutest little tote bags and hats, The Bling Lady, Scentsy items and Gold Canyon from Amanda Farina and Donna Ryan, Bows and More from Cute Stuff Boutique, Section 37 Rangers Tickets from Carrie, Stitches by Sherri items, Antique clocks and adorable knitted items from Jean, Hunting Trip from the Glasses, Handmade Quilt made by Texas Grandma, Mary Kay Basket from Grannybear, Salon Basket from Salon at Vaught House, 4Day weekend tickets from Josh, Cupcakes from Carol's Cupcakery, Cakes from Cooper Street, Cake Pops from Sugar Pop Wishes, Photo Session and bridal pkg from Enchanted Photography, Custom Painting by Rose, Autographed Martina McBride Photo from MARTINA!!!!, Gift Certificate from Happy Nail, 4 ct. Ruby Sapphire Necklace from Anne, $200 gift certificates from Firestone Store, $200 in training sessions from CrossFit Fervor, Free Appetizer cards from Cotton Patch, Wine Baskets from Winestyles, Tickets from Arlington Theatre, and Rangers 3rd row seats behind home plate from Oil States Industries and all of you who are taking the time to read this blog!!! Thank you for your prayers!!!
PEOPLE this list just keeps growing!!!!!! Unbelievable!!! I give GOD all the glory and all of me. Give God ALL of you... He just might call you to something amazing! See you on August 5th between 2-7, get there before 7pm though so you can be a part of winning prizes!!!! Here's the song
http://youtu.be/GhmbtZfVi9U
